In no particular order,
Nour [ctrl+V]-s the items
into a WhatsApp message,
like jelly beans spilling from a jar.
Now,
I must sort them.
Channeling a know-it-all
from a ‘90s indie movie,
here I go!
— Cognitive Dissonance —
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself.
D-tier. Next!
— Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule) —
Ugh. Too confusing.
Also, everyone thinks they’re the 20%.
Another D-tier.
— Peter Principle —
This is funny:
smug twenty-year-old intern
with student loans.
Less funny:
assistant manager at forty,
same student loans.
Sigh. C-tier.
— Murphy’s Law —
Just another Monday.
Stumble on.
B-tier.
— Self-Determination Theory —
Humans have intrinsic motivations?
Duh.
Yet we still lead lives
of quiet desperation.
Worse than a fortune cookie!
F-tier.
— The Butterfly Effect —
Now we’re talking!
Behold the awesome
power of the butterfly wing,
mover of worlds!
A-tier.
— Learned Helplessness —
I can’t be bothered.
See Murphy’s Law
and Peter Principle.
B-tier. Meh.
— Social Comparison Theory —
Everyone is going to the prom—
but me!
Grow up. D-tier.
— Law of Diminishing Returns —
If a joke gets a laugh,
repeat it.
Still gets a laugh?
Again.
Again?
…
C-tier.
— Occam’s Razor —
S-tier. (‘Nuff said.)
— Law of Diminishing Returns (Returns) —
One more time?
Still C-tier.
— Dunning–Kruger Effect —
If true,
1000% A-tier!
(Really D-tier.)
— Hanlon’s Razor —
Every ex:
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,
I’m just stupid.”
B-tier.
— Growth Mindset —
Almost S-tier,
but the name?
Too LinkedIn.
A-tier.
— Parkinson’s Law —
Due tomorrow?
Start tomorrow.
B-tier.
— Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs —
Food.
Rent.
A text back.
Resigning as assistant manager
to become a butterfly wing.
S-tier.
— Self-Fulfilling Prophecy —
If you think life is F-tier,
it will be F-tier.
If you think it is A-tier,
well…
A-tier.
Photo by Daniel von Appen on Unsplash
